Your picture smiles at me now

Used to be it would hurt down

Way deep

Where all the hopes


And childhood wishes sleep


It’s been almost six years

I can’t begin to describe the tears

Awash in a guilty ocean of fears

Consumed daily consumption from within

Drowning everything with booze again


Where the hell is my bottle

I need another crazy woman with a script

That’s bout the only way

I see me getting through this

Psychotropic mental vacation

I’m not certain how long I’ll be staying

This time

See sometimes

In times like these times

I find


Wrapped up
In this depressive state

That easily turns to hate

That makes that depressive obsessive

Impression that I keep impressing

On everyone

Seem so very sensible

In its own sensational sensation


Sometimes when

My hands shake

When all the hidden

Scars come awake

When it seems I’m down

To my last claim and stake

When everything I have at stake

Is burning at the stake

Make no mistake

I ask myself

What would you do

In times like these

When the chemical solution

Becomes the only safe harbor of absolution

Of desolation

Of immolation

Of the mind

Lost in the dust and the ashes

Of my own wreckage

That seem so overwhelming

When I have walked through

All the fiery parables of Hell

And become

Self-induced self-seduced

To believe the living lie

Of my own immortality


The weight

Just may be heavy enough

Undeniable draw of the gravity

Of the situation

Weighing me down

Keeping my feet

Mired in the bodies of yesterday

That litter the walkways of memory lane


Every single

Broken moment

Falling upon bruised shoulders


Cover the marks of the abuse

Most of which

Has always been

Self-induced self-seduced

To again believe

My own lie

My ever living mythology

Of my ever living mortality


I think I might break and hit my knees


And beg for Him

To come within me again

Bring me that

Security and peace

That comes from within


And it all breaks down

To be so goddamned

Sad and silly

When I see

Your picture smiling down at me



©, 2014



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